The meandering thoughts of Amzi

Hm.

2008-11-25T16:55:00.004Z

As you may or may not know, I do Biology and Chemistry (among others) to A2 level. I'm currently sitting at home, with a massive pack of questions on plant hormones and the kidneys and god knows what else, and I can't do them. I've been in the kidneys lessons, so I have no excuse there, and I've been underperforming according to my minimum grade (calculated from my GCSE results). I struggled to get a B in AS Bio, and a C in Chemistry. I've missed two Chemistry lessons. And I'm really really tired, I haven't been sleeping very well the last week. I do AS French, too, and very nearly did last year. Oh, how I regret not taking languages instead of sciences. I did sciences to do medicine, and I haven't got the grades to do that, and now I'm struggling to get into a decent uni for a course I want to do. If I get a C in Chem, which statistics dictate I am likely to do going by my AS grade, I won't get into anywhere I've got offers for. And that's looking increasingly likely.

The thing is, I'm getting really stressed over this - I don't want to be at college while all my peers and friends my own age are at uni. Yet if I don't get in, I will be, doing A2 French, and maybe struggling in a few things to A2 in a year. Like German. But most of the good unis would want three A2s, and I'm not sure I have enough subjects. I want to go to university - my mother didn't, and she regrets it - and I don't want to be a "mature student" either, but it's too late to change my courses now. And dropping out wouldn't do me any good. So what on earth do I do? I have no time machine to encourage myself 18 months ago to do languages instead, and be happy and unstressed. If I did languages, I think I could have made Oxbridge, where I'd always dreamed of going when I was little. However, with this set of A-level grades and the fact I won't be taking three subjects to A2 in one sitting means I haven't got a hope. Even though I've seen the entry tests for the course I'd want to do (French and Russian), and I think I'd do well at it, and the submissions of work and that.

"Don't give up on your dreams", people say. I wish.

Bird Gurhl - Antony And The Johnsons

2008-06-30T21:59:00.001+01:00

I am a bird girl now
I've got my heart
Here in my hands now
I've been searching
For my wings some time
I'm gonna be born
Into soon the sky
'Cause I'm a bird girl
And the bird girls go to heaven
I'm a bird girl
And the bird girls can fly
Bird girls can fly

2008-03-13T10:16:00.002Z

We are the few that won't say nothing right
We are the footsteps fading into the night
Nobody cares and nobody stares with such conviction
And I say
I never wanted this
No-one ever wanted this

Not entirely sure why, but those lyrics seem to sum me up right now.

I'm in one of the IT centres at college, I probably ought to do work at some point, but I'm blogging with Streetlight Manifesto on shuffle, and trying very very hard not to sing along; I don't want to get chucked out.

I'm feeling a lot happier than I have in a while, and definitely a lot happier than I did a week ago, on results day. I was sitting in this room (not at this computer, though) staring at my two B's, one C, and one E, fighting back the tears. I'm resitting two of the exams, one was so close to an A it doesn't really matter. And if I don't get As, I'm basically screwed.

Ah well, que sera sera.

Speaking of which, I have an information evening at some point to go to, to pick up French next year. Though I do know what I'm letting myself in for, I did learn the language for twelve bloody years...

There really is something I should probably be doing right now. Ah well. I'll look around aimlessly, and not let the depressing Kasabian that's just come on distract me. Ooh, there's traffic cones with bamboo sticks in over there, and bits of police tape (well, not quite, but the red and white striped equivalent) cordoning off about half this one of the IT centres for Media students. Which, might I add, is not a real subject. O-:)

Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I'll carry on singing inside.

Happy New Year, and all that jazz.

2008-01-01T14:19:00.000Z

First of January today. Happy New Year, Bonne Année, Frohe Neu Jahr. It doesn't really matter how you say it, it's another new start.

For me, that means a hell of a lot of revision. For one thing, I need to get from a C in my mock to an A in my Chemistry module. It also means getting those extra couple of marks in Biology and Maths to get up to an A in that too. And for Physics? I don't know. It's interesting, but it's all circuits, and I don't like circuits. It's also a hell of a lot of work, which I can't seem to find the time to do. I'll go talk to Becky on Monday.

Jeez, Monday. Is it really that soon that I go back, and launch straight into modules? I have one for General Studies too, but that should be a breeze. You actually get marks for answering the questions, even though the whole exam is moot and doesn't get you into Uni.

Speaking of Uni, I'm awaiting a deluge of prospectuses. I sent off for one from almost every University offering Medicine in the entire country. I really ought to apologise to the postman. So far I've got them from Oxford, Cambridge, KCL and Glasgow. Glasgow seems surprisingly nice, the campus itself is beautiful, like somethough out of a fairytale. Though I've never been to the city, and I guess I can't base five years living in the same city with no chance of moving elsewhere just on a couple of pages in a prospectus.

Open days. That's another thing I need to remember. I think I need to register to get a place on the Medicine talks too. Hm.

But anyway, I'm going to try and not let my mass of modules get me down, or my slightly abysmal Time Management, or the fact that I'll be dropping one of the subjects I have most laughs in. It's a new year, and I'm going to make the most of it.

[Insert witty post title here]

2007-11-07T14:58:00.000Z

First things first.

Thank you everyone, for your gushing long comments. ¬_¬ I know this probably isn't the easiest thing to comment on, but it makes me feel someone reads this, which would be nice.

Right. Comment nag over. :)

I'm sat at home, trying to do my Physics coursework, but I keep getting distracted. By this, for example. I've got half an hour left today, and about six hours tomorrow in which to get both this, and all my other homework and coursework done. Oh, the joy I will have.

I've also got Open Evening today and tomorrow evenings. For four hours. Doing not a lot, in the Music department. God, I'll get bored.

I've been listening to some of my old CDs, and dug up the second Busted album. I was rather obsessed with them in my younger years, and they weren't that bad really. Though I can't find the first one. Which bugs me.

Anyway, I came a cross a song called 'Who's David'. As you may or may not be aware, I broke up with my boyfriend of about four or five months about a month ago, when he turned into an arrogant lying twat. It also turned out he'd been 'seeing' a girl from Manchester, who's a friend of mine, for about a month. This song sums up my feelings, really. And is very fun to sing very loudly when nobody's home, while jumping around your room with a hairbrush.

You've always been this way since high school
Flirtatious and quite loud
I find your sense of humour spiteful
It shouldn't make you proud
And I know your pretty face gets far with guys
But your make-up ain't enough to hide the lies

Are you sure that you're mine
Aren't you dating other guys
You're so cheap
And I'm not blind
You're not worthy of my time
Somebody saw, you sleep around the town
And I've got proof because the word's going around

(Don't know you)
You left your phone so I invaded
I hated what I saw
You stupid lying bitch, who's David?
Some guy who lives next door
So go live in the house of David if you like
But be sure he don't know Peter, John or Mike

Are you sure that you're mine
Aren't you dating other guys
You're so cheap
And I'm not blind
You're not worthy of my time
Somebody saw, you sleep around the town
And I've got proof because the word's going around

Don't know you
Do do do do woah
And I know that you try to break me into pieces
And I know that you lie but you can't hurt me now

I'm over you
Do do do do woah
Don't like you
Do do do do woah

Are you sure that you're mine
Aren't you dating other guys
You're so cheap
And I'm not blind
Your not worthy of my time
Somebody saw, you sleep around the town
And I've got proof because the word's going around (words going around)

Don't know you
Do do do woah
Don't like you
Do do do woah
Don't know you

Go look it up on YouTube if you still don't know it. Or, allow me to find it. :)

There, I hope that worked. Anyway, I'm sure you'll agree with me, if you turn it up very loud and know the words it's a fun song.

I think what sparked all this off is that I finally stuck him back on my MSN contacts list last night, having not spoken to him in over a month. I couldn't really remember how he was to talk to, and was worried this would upset me. But, his reluctance to say sorry for acting like a prick, combined with the fact that he refused to say anything remotely serious without ':P' on the end, made me feel quite happy I'm rid of him. I've grown up a lot since I started dating him, and evidently he hasn't.

Plus, I've got good friends I know I can always rely on, and his friends go out and get drunk with him in central London. Which I really don't see the point of. They don't talk to people they deem 'not cool' that much, which makes me wonder how real these friends are. I almost pity him. Almost.

Anyway, rant #2 over, and I'm royally screwed if he reads this. Ah well.

I'll go finish my coursework now, and do some more singing and silent karaoke.

I'M ALIIIIIVE!

2007-11-03T22:05:00.000Z

At least, I think I am.

I'm sorry, I've neglected you all. College has me rushed off my feet, I've got too much coursework to do.

I've got a ridiculous amount of Physics homework/coursework, which I should really be getting on with. But I'm snuggling up on the sofa with my laptop (which Dell finally got round to delivering a month ago) in my huuuuuge new Fox hoodie. It's black, and has silver patterns and black gothic writing on the front, and it's very very warm. All I need now is to fill my mega-rainbow-mug with hot chocolate, and sink back with my fleecey blanket and a girly movie. Ahhh, paradise.

I've got my first pair of real Converse too. They're just plain black ones, with white stitching, which I might colour black if I don't like it, but they keep my ankles warm, which is what i need, coz it's getting cold here. If you hadn't noticed. Which, if you live in Australia or NZ or somewhere hot, you probably won't have. Hm. There's an idea for a gap year or something. Anyway. Yes. Where was I?

Right, I've got a copy of todays Times in front of me, I'm reading the supplement, as I do, and there are a few rather good quotes.

"If he wanted natural, he shouldn't have married me."
~ Katie Price, on her husband Peter Andre's preference for her real shape.

"This is not a drug, it's a leaf."
~Arnold Schwarzenegger, on marijuana.

I'll be back. Yarly.

I know it's been forever...

2007-09-24T18:00:00.000+01:00

...but I'm sorry I've neglected you all. I've been snowed under with homework. Literally. My physics homework takes the full weekend, then I've got a maths self-study unit due in for tomorrow (yeeks) and some biology sheets I didn't get round to doing at eleven last night. I got lectured about that by my teacher in my lesson today. God, why do teachers always think their subject is the shizzle, and no other one gets a look in?

Music rocked, though. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Our theory lesson turned into a discussion of necrophilia, lesbian porn, songs about everyone sung by a girl who was high at the time, the restyling of one of the boys, the discussion of what everyone's wearing to Fresher's party, and the sign-language version of the Twelve Days of Christmas. Five Gold Rings is actually wrong beyond belief.

Our normal teacher was away with the Music Scholars at the RAM, so we had one of the other music staff, who is very easy to wind up. Oh, it was brilliant.

And I have two early finishes this week. W00t.

College

2007-09-08T12:36:00.000+01:00

Well, in 48 hours time I'll be halfway through my first day.

I'm vair vair nervous, as nobody I know is doing any of the same subjects as me, and no-one's even in my group for Tutorial. I know the ten people from my old school, and I started talking to two other girls, but that's it. And all my Bio classes are in some little lab down the end of a corridor, over a bridge from the stairs, with not many windows. Sigh.

I've got all my things, though none of them are ready, and need to pack my bag. And work out my clothes for the next week, seeing as there's no uniform.

And apparently I'm going to die with the workload brought on by 5 AS levels and 4 Enrichment activities. I hope to god these people are wrong.

Anyway, if I'm not around for the next few weeks, assume I've been eaten by an AS Physics textbook, and mourn me. If I am around, offer to do my homework for me XD

Cammmden!

2007-09-02T11:07:00.001+01:00

I went to Camden Market for the first time yesterday. It rocks.

Charlie got some fingerless gloves, a bazillion badges, two sweatband things and a belt, making him look alternative/punky/emo. Suits him, though, strangely. Maybe I'll buy him some black Shaders and Toners stuff for his birthday :P I got this gorgeous brown velvet choker thingy with a sparkly butterfly on it, which I love dearly. £4 as well!

We discovered a shop called 'Cyberdog', which sold Japanese rave clothing. IE, trousers with pillows seemingly stitched to the bottom of them, and womens clothes which I can only describe as skimpy underwear in luminous colours. *shudder*

After much frenzied running about on tubes and subways, Charlie and me just made it to the prom we were watching in time. Liek, two minutes before it started. And my necklace broke, so I had to fix it during a Shostakovich symphony, which was very pretty.

Anyway, I'm having a sleepy day today, before heading back into London tomorrow, to *randomly bump into* persons from the internet, probably. Though some organising needs to be done for this. I'll call in the Organisatron.

Wireless!

2007-08-29T15:32:00.000+01:00

Since my last update, several things have happened.

1) I've set up a wireless network, with currently all three computers (one laptop, one two-year-old and one seven-year-old desktop), all on my lonesome, in about two hours.

2) I've enrolled at sixth form.

There's not a lot more to say about 1), other than the fact my internet was cut off for about six hours, and I had to learn to survive being trapped in the house without it. And we had a mystery caller in Currys when we were buying wireless adapters for the desktops, and we still don't know who it is. If you managed to say "Hello Elizabeth" before being cut off, let me know who you are :P

However, there is more to say about 2). I'd thought enrolment would be just a five minute interview, but oh, how wrong I was. I walked to college, with no idea where I was supposed to be. I was in Main Block, and after waiting about ten minutes while the woman was on the phone, I got a piece of paper with where I was supposed to be going on it. So I walked over to Ranson (or whatever the one next to Whitehouse is called), and found the room for tutor F. There were four people at a desk, and one was free. So she asked what tutor I was in, and it turned out she could only do E. Five or so minutes later, she asked someone, and it turned out she *could* sort me out after all. I got my ID card, and a purple form requiring seven staff signatures with a load of things on it with arrows next to them. I had my exam results written on *yet another* purple form, which I then had to take to a woman on a computer to have it typed into the system. This got done after another five-minute wait. I then got sent outside, to wait for my interview. However, the man interviewing me was doing three people's jobs, so I had what felt like a 20 minute wait before he was free to interview me. I discovered I could take six subjects if I wanted, but it would mean almost no free lessons, a huge amount of work, and I might not get to do all my choices for enrichment. So I settled with Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Maths and Music AS levels, plus General Studies and Key Skills (which I didn't get a choice about), and went to one of the other men in the room to have the course codes written on my purple form, and then to a computer-woman to have that typed in too. I then was nearly done, and had to pick two days for Induction, which I did. An hour after I arrived, I was all enrolled and ready to go home. :)

Ehehehe.

2007-08-26T22:10:00.000+01:00

I've just had one of those Fw: fw: fw: fw: fw: OMG READ DIS OR DA MONSTA UNDER UR BED WIL RAPE UR DOG!!!11!1 !! emails. The message itself is rather pointless (not because it says I'm bossy and tend to take over or anything... *shiftyeyes*), but someone's signature from where they've forwarded it from work at the bottom is rather entertaining. I shall copy and paste:

Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs. Read your sign, then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line. This is the real deal, try ignoring or changing it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets worse from there.

VIRGO - The Perfectionist
Dominant in relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic.
7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SCORPIO - The Intense One
Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.
4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LIBRA - The Harmonizer
Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.
9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

ARIES - TheDaredevil
Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.
16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.
11 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

GEMINI - The Chatterbox
Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent, But is only changeable. Beautiful physically and mentally.
5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LEO - The Boss
Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive.
13 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CANCER - The Protector
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.
16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

PISCES - The Dreamer
Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.
8 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter
Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimists. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be unfriendl y at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want.
20 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

TAURUS - The Enduring One
Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.
12 years of bad luck if you do not forward .

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One
Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.
14 years of bad luck if you do not forward .

~Send away!!~ ready ........ set............ GO!
1-3 people= 1 minute of luck
4-7 people= 1 hour of luck
8-12 people = 1day of luck
13-17 people = 1 week of luck
18-22 people = 1month of luck
23-27 people = 3 months of luck
28-32 people = 7months of luck
33-37 people = 1year of luck
38 and more = a very lucky life!

This e-mail and any attached files are intended for the named addressee only. It contains information which may be confidential, legally privileged and protected by copyright.

Unless you are the named addressee (or authorised to receive for the addressee) you may not copy or use it, or disclose it to anyone else. If you received it in error please notify the sender immediately and then delete it from your system.

Ah, how I lolled. :)

GCSE results.

2007-08-23T12:48:00.001+01:00

So, I got into school this morning, to find that the entrance gates to the school car park were locked. Brilliant. So we drove in the exit, and around the car park the wrong way. About seven people from my year were waiting at the top of the school driveway, too nervous to go down and find their results. So I walked down the hill, and was followed by the others. Who were all hysterical. And crying.

None of us knew what room the results would be in, but after a bit of wandering around we discovered it was the former French room, now called Language 2. And there they all were, on the table. With our names and addresses on. After a bit of searching, I found mine, and promptly ripped the envelope open. I read through my results, and was going okay, until I found the AQA and OCR pieces of paper. I was down a grade in Maths, Statistics, and Science. Which is all what I'm doing at Sixth form. It turns out I was 5 marks off an A* in Maths (and probably Stats too), and 4.5 marks off an A* in Science. Siiiiiiiigh. So that makes 3 A*s, six As and one B. Which isn't too bad, but I'm gutted because I know I could have done better. Another school, another set of teachers, and I might have done better. Even just doing IGCSEs instead could have got me those A*s.

But it's no use crying over spilt milk, and I think I've still got the best results in my year, which is good. I was just hoping for four more A*s. Ah well.

Anyway, I'm off fluting later, until Sunday, so don't expect any more meandering updates until Sunday evening or Monday.

Argh results tomorrow.

2007-08-22T22:21:00.000+01:00

There are several things going on in my mind at the moment.

1. Results
GCSE results are published tomorrow. Arghdskdiehfehfsigheist. My predicted grades aren't bad, with about 4 A*s, 5 As and one A/B. I'm hoping that one gets pushed up to an A, and some of the As are bumped to A*s. Though I know English and English Lit won't be. Siiiiiigh. I've been fine all summer, I think it's just the A-level results being published that's made me nervous. I know I have nothing to worry about, I'm certain to get to do the AS levels I want to do, but I'm still really frickin nervous. In less than twelve hours time, I'll know what I've got. And I'll have to face those cows at school too. Who will be in my tutor in sixth form. Siiiiiiiiigh again. I'll hide in the music and science departments, they'll never dare to come and find me there, what with their Travel and Tourism and Performing Arts courses... I think I'll just get so high on sugar I don't care before I open them. That should work.

2. The annoying song stuck in my head.
Abba's 'Super Trouper'. I never liked it in the first place, but after listening to it for about two hours if I hear it again I think I'll scream. Like a super trouper, lights are gonna find me, la la la la la (I've forgotten the words, thankfully). Like a super trouper, lights are gonna blind me, (then something like) but always in the crowd there's you. It's worse than the Crazy Frog, I tell you.

3. My laptop
I've got a laptop on order, from Dell. The one on the right, on this page. It was supposed to take ten days to come. But sadly, seeing as everyone wants my laptop, it's taking five weeks instead, so unless I'm very lucky I won't have it by the time college starts.

4. My own carelessness/stupidity
The fact that when I was writing this last night, I got distracted, and closed the window without finishing or publishing this entry. Congratulations to me.

Hai thar!

2007-08-22T14:09:00.000+01:00

Well, hi. I'm Amy, known to the world wide web as Amzi (or variants, such as Amzina, Amzizizooza, etc etc), and this is my blog. Though I guess you knew that already.

I've got a few posts on my AF blog, but I decided to strike out on my own, and get a Blogspot account.

Some backstory for you. I'm a 16-year-old girl, who spends a lot of time on the internet. The other things I spend a lot of my time doing (apart from the obvious) are listening to music, and playing music, and reading.

This blog is also going on Planet Cherub, so hi if you're reading from there :)

Anyway, I may write more later, when I think of something to write about. Tarrah!